sick kid, long week. also, coffee.
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Mamas with oft-sick kiddos, I’m sorry.
I had no idea what you deal with.
You deserve some sort of medal.
* * *
Asher has been sick since last week — he had a cold which started out well enough last Friday. He was snotty and gross, but still played happily and was his smiley self. But on Tuesday night a fever started up and it’s been pretty rough ever since. After waiting a bit per the nurse line’s instructions to see if the fever would run its course, I took him in on Friday, fully expecting to feel foolish as an overly-worried new mama who brings her kid in for a mere case of the sniffles. Still, I wanted to get him checked out before the weekend just in case.
I would have been happy to be overly-worried for no reason, but no such luck. Doc thinks its strep or sinusitis or both.
She said he should be markedly better within 24 hours, but he wasn’t, so we went back in this morning and were prescribed some stronger antibiotics. We’re really hoping they start to kick in, because Ash has had a fever for over 4 days, he’s dehydrated, he’s pouring snot, he coughs till he vomits, he won’t eat, his face is totally raw, his lips are split, and he’s just generally miserable. I feel so bad for him and I wish I would have caught what was going on earlier.
Poor kid.
I confess, I feel bad for us too. Justin and I have hardly slept this week — we’ve taken turns getting up with the baby every half-hour to an hour. And each of us have had some long days — Justin with inexplicable 2-hour commutes in to work, me feeling beyond spent after holding the baby all. day. long.
* * *
I don’t know about you, but there are moments when I feel absolutely frantic as a mama. Not frantic as in, worried about my kiddo (though that happens too), but frantic as in, “I have no idea how the hell I’m going to make it through today without going totally mad or simply passing out.”
When I get tired and worn . . .
When I go days without good food or decent sleep or a shower . . .
I get frantic. I start comparing days . . . which my smart friend Grace says you just can’t do.
I get unkind.
On Friday morning, after night four of little-to-no sleep. I was up rocking with the baby. Justin was soon to head out to work and I was soon to take Asher to the doctor. He gently placed a hand on my hand and said, “I’m sorry.” My delicate and reasonable response? “No you’re NOT!” I angrily told him how glad he must be to escaping all this mess. The audacity of him . . . going to work.
I was jealous. Jealous of his freedom to shower and go to work and live among grownups for a few hours with a small amount of control over his day while I was housebound for the second week in a row, canceling plans to see other human beings for the second week in a row, changing endless snot-covered shirts a day, barely able to eat or pee because my baby was so miserable and needy and I couldn’t bear to let him scream.
(Grace is right. Comparing days doesn’t work.)
Justin held the baby for a few moments while I took my first shower in days. It was cold; I totally deserved it.
I apologized for being unkind — I knew I’d been an asshole — but I was still mad . . . not at Justin. Just mad. I was mad as I pulled my wet hair back into a ponytail and scrambled to brush my teeth with a screaming baby grabbing at my legs, I was mad when I couldn’t find an ice scraper for the car and it took half an hour to defrost because the defroster is broken, I was mad when I had to get gas because the tank was on empty.
First world problems, I know. Some days gratitude for things like a good doctor within traveling distance and a decent car and money for gas is beyond me.
OK, but this one is pretty funny.
I was mad all the way to Starbucks. When I pulled up to the window, card in hand, I was informed that the car 2 cars up had already paid for my drink and had wished me a good day.
I was in tears before I even had my coffee in hand.
I fought tears again when another car slowed to let me get over so I could get in the carpool lane on our way to the pediatrician.
I dunno. It was just a tall latte. It was just being overly polite on the freeway. But those little bits of unwarranted and unexpected kindness — those small bits of holiness in the midst of my crap week — they turned things around. The day didn’t get easier. I was and am a little worried about my boy. But their goodness was just enough to get me through a day where every obstacle just felt way too big.
Thank you, Latte Buyer. Thank you, Freeway Manners. I want to be more like you.
Thank you for giving me reason to be better.
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6 Responses and Counting...
Poor little guy! Such a sad photo. I have never experienced either of my kids that sick. Sounds absolutely miserable. I am so glad that a couple of strangers were able to brighten your day with small acts of kindness. This too shall pass, right?!?
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It will pass. Thank goodness! He’s a little better today, we’re just hoping that the antibiotics’ side effects (so gross) won’t last quite the whole 10 days or this mama is going to be doing LOTS of laundry.
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stacey Reply:
February 27th, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Testing testing on the reply function.
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stacey Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 6:01 am
And testing testing with this one, too.
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stacey Reply:
February 28th, 2012 at 6:01 am
@stacey, asd;lfkjasdlkfja;lskdjf;alksdjf
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I’m so sorry Stacey!! Sick babies make the whole family miserable. This post is a couple days old so I’m hoping and praying that he’s doing better. I totally know what you mean about being jealous of the Mr. going off to work. Even on some of the good days, I’m a little jealous.
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